As anyone with a toddler can tell you, they can be difficult to deal with at times. They are irritable, certainly have their own opinion and think a lot of themselves. In fact, taking care of a toddler can often put you in mind of caring for a friend that has had a little too much to drink.
Of course, there are differences as well. For example, a toddler is always going to be living at your house but your drunk friend will come and go, although they do tend to stick around from time to time. In life, you are certain to run across both toddlers and irresponsible friends, and here are 30 things that you can say to both of them.
1. You can’t nap here. You need to go to your bed.
2. We don’t eat food from strangers.
3. We never touch our private parts in public.
4. We pee in toilets, not in the street.
5. Chew with your mouth closed.
6. Keep your fingers out of your nose.
7. I am not playing that song again. We have heard it 15 times. Put on your pants.
8. Don’t put that in your mouth.
9. It’s not nice to stare.
10. Yes, those are boobies, but we don’t touch those.
11. I know, couch is a funny word.
12. You have to eat all your food.
13. Stop looking at me like that.
14. I’m going to tell your father.
15. We need to use our “inside” voice.
16. Please keep your hands to yourself.
17. Don’t point, it’s rude.
18. Please go back and wash your hands.
19. Do you really think whining will get you what you want?
20. Please hold my hand in the parking lot. I don’t want you to get hit by a car.
21. I don’t have any more money. Please stop asking.
22. I know I said you could have ice cream, but it’s too late now.
23. Please don’t roll around in the grass, you are going to get your clothes dirty.
24. I am not going to ask you to sit down again. SIT DOWN.
25. Please don’t ask me if we’re almost there. I will tell you when we get there.
26. Do you need to sit in my lap?
27. I need you to use nice words.
28. We don’t hit. Hitting is bad.
29. Why are you holding yourself? Do you need to pee?
30. I told you to sit here. Why did you leave? You have to tell me when you’re going somewhere.
When you find yourself with an inebriated friend under your care, remember that you love them and they love you. Be kind and patient with them during this difficult time. Keep in mind that they may not remember what goes on when the night is over, but just like a toddler, they need lots of love.
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