When 21-year-old Rachel became pregnant, she had a deep love for the child. Her life, however, was anything but perfect. The father of the child refused any responsibility for the baby boy and he was emotionally abusive. In addition, the mother is also battling with depression and alcoholism and to top it all off, she lost her best friend recently. Rachel decided she needed to make a difficult decision.
At the age of one year old, Rachel had been adopted and her adoptive parents were amazing individuals. At an older age, she reconnected with her birth parents. After realizing that she could not give her son the best life possible, she decided to place him with adoptive parents as well.
It wasn’t an easy choice, as it wouldn’t be easy for any parent, but she felt that it was a selfless act. Rachel decided to share her story on imager to provide her son with some parting words. You might want to grab some tissues for this one.
“I am 21, and I was adopted at the age of 1. I met my biological family at the age of 17, and have a great relationship with all of my parents. Last year, I was battling depression, and alcoholism, (I won’t go into details, but it wasn’t good) and ended up getting pregnant with my son. The guy didn’t care about me, or his child, and knowing what a wonderful experience adoption was for me, I decided to place him for adoption.”
“After I had started talking to the adoption agency about placing him, I lost a dear friend of mine to a very rare and aggressive form of cancer called Ewing’s Sarcoma. She was one of the closest people in my life, and supported me through all of my bulls**t.
The day that she died, I received messages from the father telling me that I was a ‘whore,’ and that he would never sign over the rights to his son. (He also threatened my life, but I won’t go into that.)”
“I distanced myself from everyone, save a few that I thought I could count on. The key word in that being ‘thought.’ One let drugs take over her life, and the other was too obsessed with her new boyfriend to even bother paying attention to me. (Even though we had been friends for 11 years and she knew how alone I felt, he was more important and still is.)
I went to my doctors appointments alone. I handled every part of this on my own. I never told anyone how lonely I really felt, because they wouldn’t listen anyway.”
“I made this decision because I want every advantage in life for him, and I know that I am not in a place to do that. I want him to know that I love him more than life itself. If it came down to his life or mine, I would give it up in a heartbeat.”
“They are so nice and caring, and have been together for 16 years. They were supportive through this whole thing, but I kept them at a distance because I didn’t want to form the relationship that would make his life harder. They have been trying to have children for years, and the doctors told them that they would never be able to. (He is completely sterile, and she has infertility problems as well.)”
“Every time I look at his picture, I start to cry… I love you more than the air I need to breathe, and the water that I drink. I miss you so much, but I know that this is best. I want nothing but happiness in your life, son, and I know that they will give it to you. I look forward to the day that I get to see your beautiful face again. I know that won’t be for many years, but by that time, you will hopefully understand why I made this decision.
As I sit here, I weep.
Not in sadness, but with glee
For you shall know a good life,
Though it may not be with me.
The letters shall show your progress
Through all your many years.
So for now, it is goodbye, my son
I love you so, my dear.”
Via: Little Things
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