An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island … Read more
John was told that a twin-engine plane would be waiting at the airport. Arriving at the airport he spotted a plane warming up outside the hanger. He jumped in, said ‘Let’s go’. The pilot taxied and took off. Once in the air John told the pilot: ‘Fly low over the valley so I can take … Read more
For any prospective pilots out there, or any other jobs that require perfect 20/20 vision, this could be an excellent test to take. Apparently only four percent of the population can pass this test and I personally didn’t fare particularly well. The challenge is to match the colour of one specific square with the dots … Read more
This story dates from last June. I was headed to San Diego for a conference. The night before, I went out for some drinks with a coworker who would also be there. A few drinks turned into us pretty much closing down the bar. When I woke up at 6:30 later that morning, I actually … Read more
Sometimes the most important gifts are given unwittingly. I set about checking the instruments in preparation for my last flight of the day, a short hop from Atlanta to Macon, Ga. It was 7:30 P.M. Christmas Eve, but instead of forking into Mom’s turkey dinner, I was busy getting other people home to their families. … Read more
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: “Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?” “Of course my child, What can I do for you?” “Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for … Read more
A woman and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asked if she would like to play a fun game. The woman, tired, just wanted to take a nap. She politely declined and rolled over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer … Read more
“Hi! How are you?” The woman smiled as she took the seat beside me. She had to lower herself slowly, squeezing her ample bottom into the seat, filling all available space. Positioning herself comfortably, she plopped her enormous arm on our common armrest. Her immensity saturated the space around us, shrinking me and my seat … Read more
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that ‘Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the … Read more
1. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. 2. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. … Read more
As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from … Read more
A friend of mine sent me this about his TSA (Transportation Security Administration) experience. He, unlike most of us, was coming back into the country from Afghanistan on a military charter. As the Chalk Leader for my flight home from Afghanistan, I witnessed the following: When we were on our way back from Afghanistan, … Read more
I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. “I’m glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,” I thought. Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all … Read more
This happened on TAM airlines. A 50-something year old white woman arrived at her seat and saw that the passenger next to her was a black man. Visibly furious, she called the air hostess. “What’s the problem, ma?” the hostess asked her “Can’t you see?” the lady said – “I was given a seat next … Read more
It’s not enough to shake the hand of a man or woman in military uniform and say thanks. It’s not enough to put a magnetic sign on the side of our vehicles that says “Support Our Troops” and feel like we’re doing our part. Our troops have been at war for years while we’ve been … Read more
A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one lady who … Read more
Everyone loves a vacation, but it’s always so obnoxious going from the plane through baggage claim, through the taxi line and to the hotel. Don’t you wish the hotel could just come to you, straight to the plane? Ok, that isn’t exactly what’s going on here, but you can almost imagine it that way at … Read more